Thursday, February 16, 2012

Easier Said than Done

After some thought, I've decided I'm going to spend a few days on the first Principle, and give at least a few days to each principle if necessary. The simple reason why: I need to. I think I jumped into the book thinking "If I get through this quick enough, I'll solve my problems before I know it". But I want to do this the right way, I want these changes and concepts to stick, and that means for me, I need to slow down and really digest what my brain is consuming here. Like studying for college, you'll actually remember them after the test if you take more than a day to study the curriculum, and I can tell that one day per principle for me is not enough to suffice.

Today, I'm gonna start off with yesterday's food log -
Oats with maple syrup, raisins, and almonds
6oz fresh apple juice

-1/2 sandwich of avocado, lettuce, tomato, pesto, and whole wheat bread

Cranberry Bagel and 2tbsp almond butter
1 grande iced coffee with classic syrup and soy milk
1 serving chili top ramen

1 panda licorice roll

12 oz Gatorade
Small bowl oatsquares cereal and almond milk
1 egg with nutritional yeast and ketsup

Fritos and hummus
1 tbsp peanut butter
2 servings cheetos (here, I ate one serving past fullness in full awareness... guilt, physical discomfort, and feelings of failure immediately followed...just being honest peeps)

Lets begin with some more info from the book...
Tribole and Resche (authors) explain in their first chapter that the Diet Mentality produces a Diet Backlash, and they list several possible symptoms which I will somewhat paraphrase here. They include:
1 - urges for "forbidden" foods when even contemplating going on a diet
2 - food binging and guilt when a diet has been ended
3 - having little self-trust with food
4 - feeling you don't deserve to eat cause you're overweight
5 - shortened dieting durations (like slim-fast)
6 - "Last Supper" binging
7 - Social withdrawal to avoid situations with opportunities to "fall off the bandwagon"
8 - sluggish metabolism (yep folks, yo-yo dieting can slow your metabolic rate!)
9 - Using caffeine to survive the day (which produces several health issues on its own)
10 - Eating disorders

While reading this, I was saddened to realize that I have experienced all of these symptoms. Talk about having feelings of inadequacy attack your brain like a thousand tiny ninjas. But I also knew that my disorder was reinforcing my insecurities, so thankfully i didn't stop reading. Hit page 7 and I see the sentence "Dieting is a form of short-term starvation."

(internal dialogue)

Wait, you mean I've been starving myself when I go on those diets?! No, no, that can't be all possibly true... but then again, my body does seem to tell me I'm hungrier than my meal plans says I should be... Plus, don't you get hungrier later in the day when you haven't satiated your body's need for nutrition earlier? And Why didn't I figure this out before?

(reading on)
"the seemingly brave solution - try harder next time."

Dang, don't I know this mantra like the rest of 'em. I must not be trying hard enough to limit myself on eating, not working hard enough to drown out the sounds of my stomach growling, not denying myself convincingly enough.

I continued to read and just kept feeling lower, smaller, suckier.

Something is wrong. I want to give up reading. Why? This book is informing me, not condemning me. Why does it feel like I'm being reprimanded? Why do I feel like...
Wait (Lightbulb)!

Suddenly I realized that I had been reading this entire time in a subconsciously patronizing tone, and I realized I have and a major psychological issue and spiritual struggle with FAILURE.

Wow Lord, help me navigate this cause I don't even know how to begin to deal with this.

Praise God - a sense of freedom came over me.

God wants this moment for me, to see the truth here, and to in turn give it to Him. He doesn't want me to live under this cloud, he wants to free me from it! O Lord, help me to lay this at your feet, to be set free from the bondage of FAILURE and to live in the freedom that You desire to give me!

I am excited to see what God wants to show me here, and how HE is going to break away these chains. I do not know how He is gonna do it or how long it will take, but I know He wants to, He's already working in it, and the answers are in Him. I know that I am no longer going to have to live under FAILURE... and this is just the beginning.

God bless y'all :)

Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole, M.S., R.D. & Elyse Resch, M.S., R.D., F.A.D.A

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