Wednesday, February 15, 2012

End the Facade

Principle #1 - Reject the Diet Mentality
"Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating."

Oi, this is tough for me. I LOVE fitness magazine, and I have numerous clippings of the "lose 10 lbs by summer" and "drop a dress size in 4 weeks" style articles amongst my regular reads. This itself is enough to bring up loads of frustration, over the time I've spent both trying these out, and feeling like a failure every time it didn't work or live up to my expectations. If you think about it, the Diet Business is one of those areas that the experts can be wrong a lot of the time and still make a fortune, strangely similar to weather forecasters...
I guess that I can make a trip to the beach and build a nice bonfire with all those clippings. Bye-bye Fitness Mag.
I also have photos of skinny women, women I've idolized for their physique, their apparent beauty, their unrealistic photoshop perfection, and blamed myself for not being the same. If they can why can't I? Well, they can't, but photoshop sure can...
Goodbye false idols.
I'll let you know what other culprits I find.

Here is yesterday's food log:

1 whole wheat English muffin
1 small brown organic egg
1 tbs "this is not cream cheese" spread from Trader Joe's
1 tsp organic raspberry preserves

3 chocolate fudge covered Ritz crackers
Chocolate Peanut Butter Shake with Kale (see recipe below)

Lunch (at Jack in the Box)
1/2 small order of Fries
1 sourdough bun with lettuce, tomato, pickles, mustard, and bbq sauce
24 oz Mango Iced Tea

Dinner (All-Girls Valentines Dinner with 12 wonderful women!!!)
a plate of little bits of Italian favorites, included Bruscetta, spaghetti marinara, breadstick, oil and vinegar with fresh bread, pasta salad, romaine salad with kalamata olives, spinach with strawberry
Dessert - 1/2 a canoli (Trader Joe's), 1 chocolate covered strawberry, 1/2 of a small vegan cupcake, 1/4 cup serving of tiramisu
6oz glass chardonnay

second plate of pasta salad

I need to be ready to have food not be something that brings my life as much excitement anymore. Not because I'll be eating flavorless meals or starving myself, but because after recovery, the thrill of the chase for the forbidden will be gone once my addiction subsides. Binging will no longer fulfill (pun intended) me, nor help me deal with the real issues that my food problem is a manifestation of. When I go on a diet, I'm taking care of a symptom, not my actual problems. It's like any additiction. that substance to which we are addicted is what brings comfort, a comfort that we can gravitate to even if we know it is killing us.
That being said, I can see how God really blessed me las night...
I got the opportunity to celebrate Valentines Day with 12 amazing women, all but one was single, and we spent the whole time in wonderful fellowship, chatting, laughing, and to my great surprise, no moping about our singleness (an oddity for me on V-day, I assure you.) And the food was wonderful. I ate til full, but not beyond, and had very little guilt (abnormal for my disorder, when a single bite of anything can tempt me to unreasonable mounts of fear, guilt, and frustration) - Praise God! And I cannot tell you all how releasing it has already been to write about this, having it out in the open, not hiding in the dark corners of my heart. That being said, keep me in your prayers. Knowing that this is also a Spiritual battleground I'm treading on, I would truly appreciate it :)

til tomorrow, salut mes amies!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Shake with Kale

1 heaping tbsp of natural creamy peanut butter (made with only peanuts and salt)
1 heaping tbsp of cocoa powder, unsweetened
1 leaf of Kale
1 medium banana
1 tsp of agave nectar (optional)
4-8 oz of water, per taste
handful of ice

Blend in blender til smooth. Garnish if desired with a pinch of cocoa powder.

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