Monday, February 13, 2012
So I know its been a long time since I've posted anything... here... there... basically, I'm a negligent blogger. But I feel I need to keep trying, whether it be simply to keep myself working on my writing, or to journal in some therapeutic fashion, or to keep myself accountable as I am about to do...
I have an eating disorder.
To some of you, this is shocking.
I've struggled however with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) since my Freshman days in college. I gained the typical Freshman 15, but didn't stop there. The first 15 rolled into 20, 25, and landed me approximately 30 lbs heavier within a 4 month period. Crazily enough and probably because my weight distributes very evenly throughout my tall frame, I didn't see that my weight was truly spiraling until I randomly weighed myself during a discussion with friends and was devastated to see the scale go far beyond what I had imagined. A shock like that to the senses is enough to make any woman go through serious depression issues. Prior to college I hadn't struggled that much with weight - the blessings of a fast metabolism, a highly active lifestyle, and being a slow eater. By high school, I had learned to pick up the pace at the lunch table and had my first run-ins with body image issues when my at-the-time-music-producer told me i needed to lose weight (I was 5'9" and 140lbs at the time, around a size 4...yeah...), but I did not have a very emotional relationship with food... or so I thought. The changes were unfortunately already setting in, and when the stress of college became part of daily life, also did the fried food, late nights, and additional pounds. Food became an obsession.
Six years, multiple crash diets, and hundreds of manic episodes later, I want to put a stop to it the best way I know - accountability & Intuitive Eating.
The book from which the concept is taken (or vice versus, chicken and egg, ya know...) is written by nutritional experts Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, both of whom have worked in the medical field regarding eating disorders for what is collectively three decades. Their concepts have been used in clinics across the nation, including the Los Angeles Eating Disorder Center of California - this clinic is known of more in recent years due to Katharine Mcphee's self-admission to a program there just prior to her 2006 rise in fame on American Idol. In an interview about her progress, McPhee stated, “I learned that there’s no such thing as a bad food. If you look at a doughnut, people think it’s a fattening food – why? Because if you eat it you’ll get fat? No, you’ll get fat if you eat 10 doughnuts.” Sounds good to me.
So what is Intuitive Eating? Basically, there are ten principles to follow in order to give the program its highest success potential, and they are as follows:
1 - Reject the Diet Mentality
2 - Honor Your Hunger
3 - Make Peace with Food
4 - Challenge the Food Police
5 - Respect Your Fullness
6 - Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7 - Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food
8 - Respect Your Body
9 - Exercise--Feel the Difference
10 - Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition
Tomorrow is the day I will officially begin documenting my journey with Intuitive Eating. If you are interested in learning more, I highly suggest checking out the Intuitive Eating Website and purchasing the book if it is something you want to seriously try out. I will go into more detail on the 10 principles individually over the next ten days as well beginning with tomorrow's blog.
As i said at the beginning of my post, I believe I can use blogging as method of keeping myself accountable (we all need accountability...) in a way that will encourage progressive and healthy choices, and to discourage unhealthy habits like overeating, purging, etc., especially knowing my temptation is to binge when I am alone and no-one is looking. That being the case, I am going to tell you all what I ate today...I know. Its the day before I "officially" begin, but I think a practice run will do me good.
1 serving of Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Raisins, Almond Milk, and Almonds
12 oz coffee with soy creamer
1 large gala apple
Annie Chun's Peanut Sesame Noodle Bowl
12oz Caramel Machiato
1 serving of chili top ramen
1 serving of Double Salt Licorice Candies
8 red vines
1/2 serving of cheetos
This is just the beginning folks. I would be blessed by your encouragement as well as happy to have you join me if you feel so led.
God bless & Bien Sur,